And so I shut down. I've heard one statistic too many, and I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do, I can't quite believe in the problems, so I do nothing. I feel myself developing a protective film that covers my eyes and anesthetizes my heart. If I saw the problems in person, if I looked in the children's eyes, I would shudder. But I only see numbers, not faces.
And I don't shudder anymore.
I stay half ignorant on purpose. I skim the news, not letting myself read too much. I glean enough to seem informed: "Oh, yes, it's just a shame what's going on in Africa." I don't get my heart involved. I stay aloof and in control. Separate.
Because if I let go, if I find out, I know what would happen. I would crack. I would break. I'd looking in to the ugly eyes of poverty and grasp my head in my hands and shout, "Why, God, why?" But I can't keep doing that every day. And the bad news just keeps on coming. And I don't know what to do. I can't keep caring and keep being broken.
God, I'm just not up to the task.
[taken from "Hope Lives" by Amber Van Schooneveld]
"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." -James 4:17